The John Q. Smith Memorial 1991 Dodge Caravan

When a loved one passes, there is a great desire to tell the world how much they meant to you. I don't know if this is to justify our own grief, or just an honest desire to honor them. Regardless, consecrating your POS car in their name is probably not the greatest way to show how much they meant to you.

You see, when you use the phrase "In loving memory of" you are referring to something which is in their loving memory. Often this phrase will refer to a gathering of people in the loving memory of one who has passed, but it can also refer to the object it is inscribed on. This is why we see grave stones that say "In loving memory," the stone itself is a monument to the person! This is why they are called monuments, and why people want them to be nice.

Now, if you can extend this reasoning just briefly, you might realize why putting "In loving memory of" on a car is a really bad idea 99% of the time. Now, if you built a sweet hotrod and put "In loving memory of (your relative who loved sweet hotrods)" on it, that's actually really cool. The car itself is a monument to the person and is a fitting tribute. The other day I noticed a real piecer on the highway; a rusty, smoking, clunking old minivan that you could just imagine smelled very poorly. On the back it said "In loving memory of so and so." The John Q. Smith Memorial piece of shit mobile. And what happens when it's time to junk the thing? Are you just going to have your loved ones (albeit crappy) monument hauled away for the $100 in steel scrap?

I'm going to go ahead and plea with the public to stop this awful practice of dedicating our POS rides to the dead. If all you have is $20 to make a tribute to them, donate it to a charity in their name. Something. Please.